{"id":31028,"date":"2023-01-16T10:20:31","date_gmt":"2023-01-16T10:20:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/"},"modified":"2023-02-08T08:13:33","modified_gmt":"2023-02-08T08:13:33","slug":"what-does-the-giraffe-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/","title":{"rendered":"What does the giraffe say?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

16.01.2023|<\/p>\n

What does the giraffe say?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.<\/strong><\/p>

\u00a0<\/strong>I first heard about nonviolent communication (NVC) some time ago. But as a peace-loving sort who tries to steer clear of strong language, I assumed it was more something for other people. How wrong I was! I realised this not long ago after finally reading the book Nonviolent Communication<\/em> by Marshall B. Rosenberg and going to an introductory course.<\/p>

Improving interpersonal relations<\/strong><\/p>

NVC is a proven communication and conflict resolution strategy developed by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg more than 40 years ago. He adopted the term \u201cnonviolent\u201d in reference to Mahatma Gandhi\u2019s nonviolent resistance. As a youth in the US, Rosenberg experienced how people of different skin colours came into conflict. He was also often ostracised because of his Jewish name. Influenced by these experiences, he devoted himself as a psychologist to the question of how speaking and listening affect mutual respect and interpersonal support.<\/p>

The aim of nonviolent or empathetic communication is to make people aware of how habitual, automatic responses can evolve into conscious ones. The concept is based on the assumption that most interpersonal conflicts have their root cause in the fact that in dialogues we communicate our needs in the wrong way, namely often with judgemental and condemning language.<\/p>

Giraffe language or language of the heart<\/strong><\/p>

According to Rosenberg, communication can only be successful in the long term if you can empathise with the other person and meet on equal terms and in an appreciative way at all times. For this he used the giraffe as a symbol, because its long neck gives it far-sightedness and it has the biggest heart among the animals living on land.<\/p>

He described the aggressive language in our everyday life as jackal language. Jackal communication often involves sending you-messages (\u201cyou are\u201d, \u201cyou must\u201d, \u201cyou have\u201d, etc.) or using generalisations (\u201calways\/never\u201d) and justifications (\u201cyes, but\u201d). They make the other person feel bad or belittled in some way. Accordingly, they adopt a defensive attitude and the communication is unsatisfactory for both people involved in the exchange. Jackals think they know what\u2019s right or wrong and believe they are right.<\/p>

You might wand to check out a video with Marshall Rosenberg on the subject: https:\/\/youtu.be\/elOHUpy1Ppo<\/a><\/p>

Needs at the core of the communication model<\/strong><\/p>

In NVC you try to consciously avoid anything that could hurt or offend the other person. Instead you focus on the feelings and needs that lie behind an aggressive expression. NVC is based on the assumption that every human being has needs that need to be perceived and fulfilled. It also assumes that we all ultimately have the same needs, but try to fulfil them with different strategies. One person may fulfil the need for rest and relaxation by exercising in nature, another by reading on the sofa. So it\u2019s important to first know the needs and not the strategy. One concern of NVC is to promote a different awareness of responsibility for your own feelings and thus not relinquish the opportunity to improve the situation to the other person.<\/p>

Four steps of nonviolent communication
<\/strong>The concept of CSF consists of four steps to defuse a verbal attack.<\/p>

1. Precise observation rather than evaluations, <\/strong>interpretations, judgements or generalisations:<\/strong> The first step is the perception and concrete description of the situation.
\u201cYou were half an hour late for our last two meetings.\u201d (instead of \u201cYou\u2019re always late.\u201d)<\/p>

2. Feelings rather than thoughts:\u00a0<\/strong>Describing how I feel about it and what it triggers in me.
\u201cIt makes me feel insecure.\u201d
Note: \u201cI have the feeling that…\u201d is not followed by a feeling, but by a thought.<\/p>

3. Need rather than strategy:\u00a0<\/strong>What need isn\u2019t being met?
\u201cI want to use my time wisely.\u201d<\/p>

4. Request rather than demand:\u00a0<\/strong>A specific request should follow from the need.
\u201cCould you please text me the next time you\u2019re running late.\u201d
\u201cCould you please make an effort to be punctual next time?\u201d<\/p>

Rosenberg summarised these four steps in a rule of thumb<\/strong>: When I see A (observation), I feel B (feeling) because I need C (need). So now I would like D (request).<\/p>

The psychologist himself emphasised that this was by no means new or surprising. It\u2019s just that in everyday life we often forget the rules we know.<\/p>

Empathy as the core of nonviolent communication<\/strong><\/p>

The key to NVC is empathising with the other person and recognising the needs behind what is said. If the person feels that their concerns are being taken into account, the central nervous system receives a signal of security \u2013 one of the basic needs of us humans. Just as important as empathic speaking is empathic listening. All too often we try to express our sympathy, relate our own experiences or give advice instead of just being quietly present.<\/p>

Unfamiliar, but worth a try<\/strong><\/p>

As simple as the principle of NVC sounds in theory, overriding our usual linguistic reflexes in everyday life is unusual. Besides time and practice, it requires conscious awareness and presence in the here and now.<\/p>

Personally, I intend to keep at it. My first attempts at trying it out with the people in my private life have been promising.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

About the author
<\/strong><\/p>

<\/p>

Andrea Schenker loves giraffes. Sometimes she would like to have not only the animals\u2019 long legs, but also their foresight. Always in search of balance, instead she likes to stand on her head every now and then for a change of perspective.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
    <\/ul>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t
    <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":30941,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_header_footer","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[100],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-views"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat does the giraffe say? - open up<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What does the giraffe say? - open up\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"open up\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-01-16T10:20:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-02-08T08:13:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"open up redaktor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"open up redaktor\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"What does the giraffe say? - open up","description":"What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"What does the giraffe say? - open up","og_description":"What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/","og_site_name":"open up","article_published_time":"2023-01-16T10:20:31+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-02-08T08:13:33+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1920,"height":1280,"url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"open up redaktor","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"open up redaktor","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/"},"author":{"name":"open up redaktor","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/#\/schema\/person\/91cebb94e3a22b2f5b0df4707bfe471c"},"headline":"What does the giraffe say?","datePublished":"2023-01-16T10:20:31+00:00","dateModified":"2023-02-08T08:13:33+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/"},"wordCount":947,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg","articleSection":["Views"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/","url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/","name":"What does the giraffe say? - open up","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg","datePublished":"2023-01-16T10:20:31+00:00","dateModified":"2023-02-08T08:13:33+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/#\/schema\/person\/91cebb94e3a22b2f5b0df4707bfe471c"},"description":"What first comes to your mind when you see a giraffe? Probably not \u201cnonviolent communication\u201d. What giraffes have to do with communication and what we can learn from them.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/giraffes-gdf78b5820-1920.jpg","width":1920,"height":1280},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/what-does-the-giraffe-say\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"What does the giraffe say?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/","name":"open up","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/#\/schema\/person\/91cebb94e3a22b2f5b0df4707bfe471c","name":"open up redaktor","url":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/author\/open-up-redaktor\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31028"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31028\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31084,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31028\/revisions\/31084"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30941"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.open-up.ch\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}